It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
