I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
