So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
