i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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