That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
