Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Randomize
