I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
