You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
