Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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