My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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