Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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