I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
