Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
