also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
