you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
