Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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