You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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