This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
