just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
