A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
