i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
