And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
