I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
