I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So vagazzling was a success
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
