just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
