Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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