singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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