Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
