didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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