I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
