Will you blow on my dice?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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