Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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