Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
