i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
