Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
