I puked a lego.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
