We won't sleep together?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
