Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
