please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
