walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
foreskin is a definite game changer
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
