community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
