I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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