Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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