"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
