he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
