She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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