my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
