im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
