My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
God, I missed his penis.
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