i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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