i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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