I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
