farters have to be the big spoon...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
