i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
