so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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